


Cabin Fever

by Tangerine



Category: X-Force (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Huddling For Warmth, M/M, Snowed In
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 17:03:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13415691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tangerine/pseuds/Tangerine
Summary: After a mission goes awry, Shatterstar and Rictor find themselves stranded somewhere in Canada.





	Cabin Fever

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "HUDDLE FOR WARMTH" square for Round 10 of [Trope Bingo](https://trope-bingo.dreamwidth.org/).

Shatterstar wasn't one to second guess Cable's decisions, but he had very strongly disagreed with this recon mission from the beginning. For one, Julio's powers were dangerous in this type of climate, and for two, snow prevented him from using his enhanced senses to predict and prevent all possible disasters. To his credit, Cable _had_ listened before casually dismissing all of his concerns out of hand. 

The mission, Cable had promised him, was straightforward. Easy. A slice of cake.

And so far it had been exactly as advertised, with the information Cable needed tucked securely away in one of Shatterstar's pouches. Accessing the necessary computer and escaping to the surface had been the very definition of easy. But the minimal amount of security did not make any sense. His instincts screamed warnings, and he wasn't fool enough to ignore them. There was something terribly wrong. 

He just didn't know what it was yet. 

"Julio," he said cautiously, right as the installation exploded in a cacophony of light, heat and shrapnel. His normally quick reflexes – almost entirely useless in this blanket of thick, white snow – did the only thing they could to minimize the damage: locate Julio, protect him from the debris, and hope they landed somewhere soft. They were surrounded by snow, so it seemed like a reasonable request. 

They hit the thin ice hard, shattering it, and then there was water everywhere, bitterly cold, numbing him instantly. Julio, either unconscious or far too trusting, stayed lax in his arms; Shatterstar assumed the former. They sunk before rising, Shatterstar's legs kicking up as hard as he could manage, a difficult task considering he had stupidly swallowed an enormous amount of frigid water into his burning lungs.

They made it to shore. Shatterstar wasted a moment on a hacking cough to clear his airways before slinging Julio over his shoulder. Definitely unconscious, Shatterstar decided. Julio would have delivered a swift blow to his kidneys if he had tried that manoeuvre while he was awake. Quickly, he checked to make sure Julio was breathing on his own before running off blindly into the rising storm. 

This was not his definition of straightforward, easy or cakey. 

~~

He ran until he thought he might pass out, then ran further as Julio remained a steady weight on his shoulder. He checked on him periodically, pressing a hand over his mouth just to be sure he was still there, but he had to believe any injury to Julio was superficial. He couldn't help him if it wasn't.

"Fekt," he said, the sound immediately swallowed by the twisting wind. He tried keeping his mind open, projecting his thoughts in a way he thought must be loud, but there was only a blank, terrifying silence in return. His joints ached from the cold, and his hair was frozen stiff, an icicle against his neck.

This wasn't a climate he could survive in. He knew that before being coerced into this mission, and he knew it now, running through the snow with every sense muted. Even touch, his fingers pressed into the back of Julio's thigh, barely able to feel him. It wasn't like he didn't know Cable was fallible, but sending two soldiers into an hostile climate that put them at a disadvantage was an avoidable mistake.

He wished Julio was awake to appreciate the suddenly traitorous thoughts towards their leader, but he was barely breathing, limply hanging over Shatterstar's shoulder, growing colder and colder and colder. 

He shifted Julio into his arms, sharing what meagre body warmth he had left. 

He barely had anything to offer. 

~~

At least I will die with Julio, Shatterstar thought, stumbling with Julio curled against him. 

That made it better, somehow. 

Somehow, somehow. 

He could barely think straight. 

It was just so _fekting_ cold.

~~

He found the cabin quite by accident, almost mistaking it for a shadow in the storm. 

The door opened easily, and he stumbled into the empty room, slamming it behind him. Nobody had lived here for a very long time, the air as stale as it was cold, but without the wind, it felt almost tolerable inside. Rougher than he intended, with fingers locked into claws, he tugged the frozen uniform off Julio's body then pushed him naked into the only bed and under a dusty layer of blankets. 

Without grace or coherence or anything resembling his usual approach to a terrible situation, he slammed around the dark cabin, grabbing anything he could that resembled coverings: two large coats, a plaid blanket from the couch, a moth-eaten quilt pulled from a cedar chest, clothing he pulled from the dresser. He piled it all on top of Julio, then tore at his own uniform, his fingers numb and useless.

He tossed his swords to the ground and did not bother to see where they landed.

He supposed he should have been grateful he still had them, for whatever good they had been. 

Julio will not like this, Shatterstar thought, sliding under the covers with him. He curled his naked body around Julio's back, tucking his knees into the bend of Julio's legs, crossing his arms over Julio's chest. His heartbeat, though faint, fluttered against his wrist, and it was enough to cut through his hysteria.

I don't give a fekt whether he likes it or not, Shatterstar decided mutinously. I want him to live. 

Outside, the storm raged on.

~~

He woke with a jolt, despite having no recollection of falling asleep. It was morning, the storm taking on a lighter, less menacing appearance, but it showed no indication of breaking. His head remained silent, and he knew enough about Cable's tactics to understand that while rescue would come, it would not be soon. It was still far too dangerous to attempt an extraction. Until then, they were on their own.

Unlike last night, when he had almost been consumed with panic, he believed they would be fine. 

They had shelter, and they were together. Everything else was secondary.

There was one more thing to note: Julio was awake. He was trying to pretend otherwise, but Shatterstar could tell from his unnatural stillness that he had been conscious for longer than Shatterstar. They were still locked in the same position, Shatterstar pressed firmly against Julio's back, and Shatterstar willed himself to remain motionless. Nudity did not embarrass him, normally, but this felt ... _intimate_.

Shatterstar was also hard, but that was a basic function of his body and not something he could control.

He hoped Julio would see it the same way. 

"What the hell happened?" Julio croaked, finally.

"There was an explosion as we exited the facility. We likely triggered something during our mission. We landed in the water, and you were knocked unconscious by a piece of the debris. Expecting that we would not remain alone much longer, I carried you until I discovered this cabin," Shatterstar explained in a hard, flat voice. "We were both close to death. I did what I had to in order to save your life."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," Shatterstar replied. 

Without saying anything more, Julio shifted onto his back, delicately removing himself from the compromising position he had put Julio in. He looked ... not unhappy, Shatterstar thought. It was difficult to tell with him sometimes, but it wasn't a negative emotion. Fond, perhaps, or maybe grateful?

Human emotion was complicated, and he doubted he would ever completely understand the nuances. 

Instead, Shatterstar focused his attention on Julio's fingers, which were long and tanned and healthy. He'd been in no mind the previous night to check him for frostbite, but his hands seemed fine. Sitting up, Shatterstar ignored Julio's noise of surprise and burrowed under the blankets to check his toes. 

"You're really freaked out," Julio said, twitching when Shatterstar touched his foot. 

"I'm fine," Shatterstar insisted, pressing his thumb to Julio's sole, triggering another surprised jerk.

Julio yanked his foot out of Shatterstar's exploratory grasp. "We came that close, huh?"

Shatterstar turned away. "You should rest and recover. I will take an inventory of supplies."

Julio shifted on the bed then paused, his voice gentle when he asked, "you sure you're okay, Star?"

"I'm always okay," Shatterstar assured him, ignoring Julio's soft snort behind him. 

~~

His uniform was in tatters, Julio's even worse, so he rooted around in the pile of clothes on the bed until he found pants and a flannel shirt that would fit him. He noticed without comment how Julio's eyes shifted away from him, fixed on some imperfection on the nearest blanket. When he pulled the items on, they were both too tight, the pants ending above his ankles, but the clothing served its purpose.

"Here," Shatterstar said as he tugged on a pair of socks, pushing another shirt and pants at Julio. 

The cabin was a single room, walls made of wood. There was a kitchenette, fully stocked. A couch with two end tables and a coffee table. A queen-sized bed sandwiched between two dressers. Five bookshelves full of dusty, sun-bleached books. A table with two chairs. A red painted door that led to an empty closet. The fireplace was clean, but there was no wood to burn. It was a sufficient shelter.

No indoor plumbing, he noted. 

He forced himself into a pair of boots two sizes too small then took one of the coats from a dozing Julio, who squinted at him blearily before falling back into slumber, the red plaid shirt fitting him perfectly, his hair curling slightly over the stiff collar. Shatterstar thought about sliding his fingers through it, to check for bumps, but Julio didn't seem confused or overly sensitive to light, just tired. 

Still ... he wanted to do it anyway but doubted Julio would let him.

Cable never should have sent them on this mission. 

It wouldn't stop snowing.

~~

Outside, he walked the perimeter, hood pulled over his head, fur lining his face. He tripped over a snow-covered bucket by the stack of firewood he discovered at the rear of the cabin, dry under a tarp. Sprawled gracelessly on the ground, he had never felt so useless in his entire life. He allowed himself a moment of self pity before getting up, but there was nothing else of note outside, so he grabbed as many logs as he could fit into the bucket and returned to Julio, who had disappeared under the covers.

He got a fire going with minimal effort, not caring about the smoke that would inevitably signal their location. If anyone wanted to fight him, they were welcome to try. He was in a very bad mood. 

He checked on Julio, but his breathing was deep and even, a dark bruise blooming on his cheek. 

There was no power. There was no television.

What sort of monster had lived here?

~~

He inventoried the contents of the kitchenette. Twenty-two cans of baked beans, three cans of peaches. Four boxes of soup mix, no sign of infestation by insects or vermin. A half empty bottle of vodka. A box of chocolates of indeterminate age, still wrapped in cellophane, and one package of breath mints. 

There was a box of condoms in with the cutlery, expired, unexpected. 

Six gallons of water, still sealed, in with the pots and pans. That was good. That was actually helpful.

He checked on Julio again. He was fine.

~~

Eventually, he tried to meditate, but it was too cold to focus, even with the fire flickering behind him. 

Instead, he slid under the blankets with Julio and lay there, staring at the ceiling, for a very long time.

~~

"It's so fucking cold," Julio said later, voice sleepy and light, huddled against him. Shatterstar had let it happen for two reasons. One, he couldn't seem to get warm, his fingers icy to the touch, and two, he selfishly liked how it felt, with Julio pressed so closely. "Good job on the fire, though. And the fuck tonne of beans. That isn't going to smell very good in a few days, depending on how long we're here."

"It may be some time," Shatterstar replied woodenly.

"You're still freaked out," Julio said, propping up on one elbow to stare at him. 

"How can you tell?" Shatterstar asked, before he could stop himself, shifting a little under the scrutiny of Julio's gaze. This close, it was deeply unsettling. He added, "not that I am. I told you that I was fine."

"You're speaking pretty robotically, dude. You have been since we woke up. I wasn't sure if it was because of, you know, earlier, with the ..." Julio trailed off, making a few random gestures with his hand, and Shatterstar honestly had no idea if he was referring to the nudity or his erection or something else entirely. Shatterstar stared at him, and Julio stared back. It was Julio who broke first. "And I can just tell anyway. I know you pretty well by now." Julio sat up completely, his hair a wild tangle around his head. "I mean, is there something you're not telling me? Are we in some sort of danger here?"

"This is as good a shelter as any," Star replied. 

Julio pursed his lips, his dark brows drawing together, and Shatterstar frowned. It would be childish to turn away from him, but Shatterstar considered it seriously for a few moments before sighing deeply. How could he even attempt to explain it to Julio when he wasn't even sure what was bothering him? He simply felt ... not like himself, and he was angry at Cable, and he was uncomfortable in these clothes. 

And all of those things were, in the grand scheme of everything, totally and utterly inconsequential.

"I might just be bored," Shatterstar said finally, not quite a lie, but far enough from the truth that it felt like it was. "There is nothing to do here."

Julio smiled a little, his swollen cheek distorting faintly. "Some people pay for vacations like this."

"Not me," Shatterstar declared. 

"Yeah," Julio said, tugging a blanket around his shoulders, and didn't say anything else.

~~

They had beans for lunch, cooked over the small fire. They had a limited amount of wood, and Shatterstar had no timetable for how long they would be stuck there, so they had to conserve. It had already been far too lengthy a stay, in his opinion, but it also wasn't terrible. Somehow, and he was still not quite sure who had suggested it and who had agreed, they ended up huddled together on the couch. 

And that was nice. 

~~

They didn't talk about who used to live there, because it was obvious that whoever it was, they were gone. Dead, Shatterstar thought. It looked like a home that had been cherished, and those types of places were not easily abandoned. Or so Julio told him anyway. Shatterstar had no ties to anywhere. 

Julio was the closest thing he had, and even he kept trying to leave him.

Shatterstar's stomach did something weird at that thought. He blamed the beans.

~~

"Did you see a bathroom in this place?" Julio asked, eventually, after Shatterstar forced him to drink three large glasses of water. Julio had protested on the grounds that the water was a finite resource, but they were surrounded by snow that showed no indication of stopping anytime soon. He was not concerned.

"It must be outside," Shatterstar replied absently, polishing his swords. "There is a bucket by the closet."

Julio made a face, but faced with the choice, he picked the right one. Politely, Shatterstar looked away, but it still took a long time for anything to happen. Just as he was about to inquire, to make sure that Julio could evacuate waste if he needed to do, Julio asked him, "this doesn't faze you at all, does it?" 

"Not particularly."

"Mojoworld thing?" Julio asked cautiously. 

"Everything I did was publicly witnessed, even urination and defecation. They are natural and healthy bodily functions." Somehow, that did not seem to assure Julio at all, and Shatterstar tried again in some approximation of soothing. "It's only me, Julio. I have seen you naked. You have felt my erection." 

"Thank you for mentioning that right now," Julio said. "That really helps."

"You're welcome," Shatterstar replied. 

It still took another five minutes.

~~

Julio discovered a dusty box of Scrabble under the couch. 

"Julio," Shatterstar said flatly, shaking his head, but Julio ignored him.

"It'll be good practice," Julio assured him. "It's too fucking cold to sit on the other side of the board from you anyway, so I'm going to see all your tiles. Spelling shit phonetically will only get you so far."

It wasn't that he couldn't read. It was mostly that he chose not to read anything beyond instructions on a computer screen. Fiction required too much time to figure out what the words he didn't recognize and couldn't sound out meant. It spoke more to the sheer ridiculousness of the English language and less to his literacy skills. It had taken him an embarrassing amount of time to learn how to read a clock, too. 

Julio, somehow, had known he could do neither, and had quietly offered his help.

"Fine," Shatterstar said eventually. "So I do not expire of boredom."

Julio chuckled softly, setting up the board. "I'm that bad for company, huh?" 

"I did not mean it like that." 

Julio groaned, an errant hand swatting lightly at Shatterstar's stomach while he focussed on unpacking the box. "Will you fucking relax a little? I'm just joking." Shatterstar looked down at Julio's hand then back up, fixing his eyes on the nape of Julio's neck, mostly hidden by the plaid. "Are you cool, amigo?"

"I'm freezing," Shatterstar agreed. 

"Madre de dios," Julio muttered, putting his hands together under his chin. "Did you hit your head?"

"No. Why?"

"You're ridiculous," Julio told him, and Shatterstar shrugged. He would neither confirm nor deny the accusation, and he had the sinking feeling he had missed some nuance of their conversation anyway. 

~~ 

They had beans for dinner, too, eaten as they leaned over the Scrabble board, Julio trying to convince him that indict had a C in it, despite all phonetic evidence to the contrary. English was _impossible_. 

~~

The Scrabble game continued until it became obvious that Julio needed to sleep. Despite having done nothing all day, Shatterstar was also exhausted. He added another log to the fire, just enough to take the edge off the cold, and used the bucket to relieve himself, without hesitation or self-consciousness, and that seemed to be enough to convince Julio that whatever concerned him wasn't worth his time.

Shatterstar tossed the waste into the snow then walked back inside to see Julio standing beside the bed, flannel shirt unbuttoned and open, sweatpants riding low on his hips. Shatterstar took a deep breath. 

"Are we doing the naked sleeping thing again?" Julio asked. 

"It would likely be safer," Shatterstar replied. "I am concerned about the fire, but I am also not very knowledgeable about the climate we find ourselves in. It helped last night, but you were hypothermic." 

"And you probably don't want to sleep in that skintight outfit you have going on," Julio added. 

"It is incredibly uncomfortable," Shatterstar agreed. "There is no stretch in this material."

Julio nodded then began to remove his clothing, shrugging out of his shirt and laying it over the end of the bed. Shatterstar wondered, idly, what his hand would look like on the space between Julio's shoulder and neck, where his skin looked the softest and most interesting. Imagined moving his fingers over Julio's collarbone and tracing the line to his throat. He would probably feel his heartbeat.

When he looked up, Julio was staring at him, eyes wide and dark. Wary, maybe, or shy? Something else? 

Shatterstar's pulse sped up inexplicably. This was the safest he had been in his life. No one, not even a madman, not even Mojo, would try to attack him in this weather. So why did he feel this ... exposed? Like he had nowhere to hide, even if he wanted to, and had left himself open to some hidden danger?

"It's okay," Julio said quietly, and Shatterstar looked at him. "Everything is okay, Star."

"Of course it is," he replied.

Without looking at Julio again, he undressed efficiently, all the way down to his bare skin, and slipped under the covers. The mattress dipped with Julio's weight, and he was surprised despite himself that Julio had stripped down, too. It was Julio who moved against him, into a repeat of last night's position. Shatterstar was hard again, but Julio didn't hesitate, just let Shatterstar fold around him like a blanket. 

Julio had almost died last night, just as he had. For no reason. Practically for nothing. 

Julio's heart beat like a drum against the hand Shatterstar had pressed against his breast bone. 

They never would have found their bodies.

~~

He woke up with the sun, and it was bitterly cold, the fire reduced to embers. Somehow, Julio had turned in his sleep and was tucked against Shatterstar's chest, his arms crossed between them, his head pressed under Shatterstar's chin. But it was the protective way he held Julio that surprised him. It seemed almost gentle, and Shatterstar hadn't known he was capable of such a delicate, caring action.

He had a decision to make: grow the fire back to a flame or remain comfortably with Julio. 

The logical part of him said fire, and he knew it was right, but the illogical part, the basest part of him, wanted to stay as he was, ice at his back and fire at his front. Correct or not, sleeping together had created an impressive quantity of heat, and Shatterstar's skin was slick with sweat where they touched.

But the fire demanded his attention.

Taking the time to ensure Julio was fully covered, Shatterstar carefully extracted himself without waking him. He knelt by the hearth and added another three logs, careful not to smother the orange embers. He used the pages from a six year old newspaper, abandoned in a wicker basket, to encourage the flame to begin its steady burn, blowing on it softly, ridiculously pleased when the first log caught. 

He sat there, legs crossed, basking in the growing warmth. 

Between his legs, his cock lay hard and heavy, as it had been since he woke up. 

Just like Julio had been, pressed naked against him, no secrets between their bodies. 

It's a natural reaction, he told himself, staring at the heart of the fire. It doesn't mean anything. 

He was still sitting like that when Julio woke up.

~~

He put the pants back on but skipped the shirt. He enjoyed having the full movement of his arms. 

~~

They had the first can of peaches for breakfast. Sweet, slightly metallic in taste. Better straight from the tree, Julio told him, recounting a story as a child, visiting his maternal, biological grandmother. He liked listening to Julio's stories from when he was very young, before, in his words, it all went to shit. 

Julio drank the syrup straight from the can. 

Shatterstar shook his head when Julio offered to share, after noticing he was watching.

~~

"Dude," Julio said later, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, watching Shatterstar as he paced back and forth, occasionally pausing to glare out the window. The howling wind made it impossible to tell how much snow had fallen, but he knew it was a lot. An absurd amount, in his opinion. No planet should have this much precipitation. "You have to calm down and relax. I can't handle how twitchy you are."

"We are going to die here," Shatterstar protested, stopping at the window again.

"Now you're just being dramatic. It's winter in Canada. We're not even that far north."

"I hate Canada," Shatterstar told him, completely serious, but Julio laughed anyway.

~~

They played Scrabble again, because Julio hated him and wanted him to suffer.

~~

"There's a name for this, you know," Julio said, after the game and lunch, reading a book he had pulled from the shelf. It was long, hundreds of pages, and Shatterstar had insisted he didn't want Julio to read it to him before realizing how quiet and boring Julio reading alone would be. "It's called cabin fever."

"I am perfectly healthy," Shatterstar replied. "It is you I am concerned about. Your face looks terrible."

" _Your_ face looks terrible," Julio replied blandly, making a large production of licking his thumb then turning the page over, but then he started to smile, and Shatterstar was even more annoyed by the whole situation. Julio closed the book and put it down; Shatterstar stopped pacing to look at him. "Okay, you're bored. What else do you want to do? Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?" 

"No," Shatterstar replied. "I am not bothered by anything."

Julio sat back, crossing a leg over his knee. "See, you keep saying that, amigo, but your words and your actions aren't exactly lining up. Normally I'd be more than happy to just let you work it out on your own, but you went through some major shit recently, and you've been acting a little weird ever since."

"I've decided to ignore all of that," Shatterstar informed him. "I think it was all made up to hurt me."

Julio frowned. "Easy as that, huh?"

"I know who I am. I am Gaveedra Seven of Mojoworld. I'm not Benjamin Russell."

"Well, Gaveedra Seven of Mojoworld is struggling with something, so if you want to talk about it ..."

"I don't," Shatterstar assured him then added, feeling mean, "and you left the last time I tried to."

That hurt him, deeply. Shatterstar saw the impact of his words spread on Julio's face, raw and ugly, and he felt immediately remorseful, but he didn't apologize. It wasn't a lie. Julio _had_ left him when he needed him the most, but all it confirmed to him was that telling the truth wasn't always worth it.

"I'm sorry," Julio said quietly, but Shatterstar shrugged his words off. 

It didn't matter anymore anyway. 

~~

The fight lasted for exactly thirty-six minutes, if it could be called a fight. It was awkward and terrible, and Shatterstar felt like walking into the snow and never coming back. Nobody, not even Julio now, would miss him. He would be a footnote in a report that Cable wrote about this fekting mission.

Shatterstar wanted to crawl onto the couch with Julio and share his blanket again. He was cold. 

"I'm angry," Shatterstar said, staring out the window, into the white nothingness.

"It's okay to be angry," Julio replied, "especially after all the shit you've been through."

"I'm angry at Cable for sending us on this mission. I think he was a fool, and he made a mistake."

Julio cleared his throat, and Shatterstar looked over at him. His expression was indecipherable. He could only tell it was not good. "Okay, that's kinda on me more than him. I'm more than happy for him to take the blame, don't get me wrong, but it was Jimmy who was supposed to go with you, not me."

"You volunteered?"

"Yeah, I thought it would be fun," Julio replied, shrugging, looking ... sheepish, Shatterstar decided. That was definitely sheepish. It wasn't an expression Julio wore often, but Julio confirmed it when he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, in the naked space between his hair and the plaid collar.

"I'm angry you almost died," Shatterstar said, dragging away his gaze to a spot behind Julio's head. "I'm angry I almost died. If it had been five more minutes ..." His voice trailed off, rough, and he wondered, idly, if Julio would let him sit down now, even though he had never said Shatterstar couldn't. "I couldn't do anything to help us, Julio. All my training was useless. My swords were useless. _I_ was useless."

"That sounds fucking terrifying," Julio said, shifting on the couch. 

"It was unpleasant," Shatterstar agreed, pushing the panicked memories away. 

"Is that all?" Julio prompted gently.

"I am angry about the Benjamin Russell incident," he admitted loftily, "even if it is utter nonsense."

Julio nodded, eyes dark and serious, and Shatterstar sighed. 

"I'm angry at you. Only a little, comparatively speaking, but since you asked ..."

Julio smiled tightly, small and sad, his hands clasped together, forearms resting on his knees. "Well, that's good, I guess." He smiled again then added softly, "I'd do it differently back then if I could, Star." 

Shatterstar nodded. 

Julio looked down at his hands, his expression unreadable. "Anything else?"

"I'm extremely angry at this storm," Shatterstar said, without any edge to his voice. Julio often joked when he wanted to change the subject, and Shatterstar desperately wanted the subject changed, even if he was very bad at telling jokes. So he tried anyway. "No more missions in Canada. Snow is terrible."

"It's actually a pretty nice country," Julio insisted, laughing a little, and he moved on the couch again. Shatterstar finally saw what Julio had been offering, and he sat down beside him, trying not to shiver as Julio swept one edge of the blanket over his shoulder. "And it can be hot as balls in the summer, trust me."

"As hot as your balls or mine?" Shatterstar asked.

He had meant it seriously, because he had noticed a difference, but Julio laughed and laughed, warm and loose against him. Something relaxed in Shatterstar's chest, but he still couldn't identify it. The anger that had held him hostage finally faded away, replaced entirely by this new feeling inside him.

~~

After that, it was better. He still felt trapped and vaguely out of sorts, but it _had_ helped to talk about it, and they had survived their first fight without any long-term damage. He had told Julio how he felt, and Julio had acknowledged his feelings. It felt like an important moment in his emotional development.

He allowed Julio to read to him, huddled under the blanket together, and eventually, they shifted so Julio was leaning against the armrest, Shatterstar between his legs, his shoulder pressed to Julio's chest. It wasn't as riveting as television, but Julio had a nice speaking voice, baritone and richly accented. 

"Who taught you English?" Shatterstar asked, before Julio started the next chapter. 

"Private tutors mostly, for as long I can remember. I was supposed to take over the family business." Julio's voice hardened at that, almost ... bitter, or sad, Shatterstar couldn't tell. "Shit, can you imagine?"

Shatterstar almost answered, but the tone of Julio's voice implied that perhaps the question was rhetorical. He could imagine it, quite easily, but only if the family business had been legitimate. Julio had a good eye for details, a face that was impossible to read, and was charismatic and handsome. Shatterstar didn't know much about running a business, but those seemed like useful skills to have. 

"Do you want me to keep reading?" Julio asked.

"Please," Shatterstar said. 

~~

"You're still tense as fuck," Julio commented, putting the book down and digging a thumb into Shatterstar's shoulder blade. After some negotiation, that was how Shatterstar found himself receiving his very first massage. Julio's fingers were firm and determined, aggressively pressing into his muscles. 

"You are very good at this," Shatterstar said, with his eyes closed, fighting the groan in his throat.

"Do not fucking tell anyone ever, but I might've taken a class once, when I was between teams."

"It's a very impressive talent," Shatterstar assured him, grunting when Julio hit on a particularly tight spot. 

~~ 

He tried not to think about his hands on Julio's back, what it would feel like, if Julio would let him. 

~~

Julio read until it was too dark to see the words, and then they prepared dinner together. He heated two medium-sized pots of water over the fire, one for the soup mix and the other so he could bathe later. "You can use this water to bathe as well," he told Julio, without looking over at him, waiting for both of them to boil.

"Uh, do I stink or something?" Julio asked, sniffing at his armpits. "You should have told me." 

"You don't have to," Shatterstar replied, defensive, but he was going to. He hoped the hot water would bring some of the feeling back to his fingers, which were stiff with the cold. There was a pile of mittens by the door, but he found when he wore them he couldn't do anything else useful. "You smell good."

"Whatever. I'll think about it."

Shatterstar shrugged. No flesh off his back if Julio didn't want to. He just thought it would be nice. 

~~

The soup was bland, though Julio tried seasoning it with various spices he found in the cupboards, but there was nothing to improve upon. They opened the box of chocolates of indeterminate age. The chocolates were chalky and hard to chew, but edible, and they filled his belly better than the soup did. 

Julio took a drink of the vodka, straight from the bottle.

"You sure you don't want to try it?" Julio asked.

Shatterstar shook his head. 

Julio shrugged then twisted the cap back on. He looked into the fire, chewing his lower lip between his teeth, and Shatterstar found his eyes flickering over his cheekbone, the bruising darker than it had been, almost purple, but the skin was no longer as swollen. He had been lucky, Shatterstar thought, that he had not taken worse damage. 

"Is my face really fucked up?" Julio asked.

"No," Shatterstar replied. "The bruising only slightly detracts from your attractiveness."

Julio's expression changed slightly, like he was in pain, but he seemed to accept the explanation for what it was. As a peace offering for calling Julio's face terrible earlier, Shatterstar gave him the box of chocolates, and Julio used the small paper guide to pick through them before finding three that he liked. 

"Does chocolate ever go bad?" Julio asked, chewing thoughtfully. 

"I'm not sure these were ever good," Shatterstar replied. "I think they were forgotten for a reason."

Julio bit into another one, grimacing. "Fair enough."

~~

After building up the fire, conscious of their dwindling wood supply, Shatterstar took the second pot away from the hearth and added some snow to bring the temperature to a tolerable level. He stripped down and sat back on his heels before dipping a hand towel into the water and soaking it thoroughly.

Julio watched him quietly, one thumb brushing idly over the top button on his flannel shirt.

Shatterstar dragged the cloth over his arms and under them, then wet between his legs and the vee of skin at his groin. There had been a bar of soap under the sink, and he tucked it into the hot water before pulling it over his body, the previous moisture just enough to make the path easier to take. He preferred the ease of a shower, occasionally indulged in a bath, but hand-washing served its intended purpose.

"Okay, fine," Julio said, even though Shatterstar hadn't said anything. After removing all his clothes, he crouched down by the fire and took one of the unused towels and put it into the water. He paused there for a long moment, soaking his hands, then exhaled with a sigh. "Hey, that's actually pretty nice."

Shatterstar nodded, handing him the bar of soap, then dipped his own hands into the water, wetting his towel again. He savoured the heat for a long blissful minute then began washing the soap off his body. Beside him, Julio scrubbed at the same places Shatterstar had. Shatterstar watched Julio's hand and how it moved deftly and confidently over his naked body, and he imagined it was his own hand there.

"Are you done?" Julio asked, startling Shatterstar out of his thoughts. "With the water?"

"Yes," Shatterstar replied, feeling that same new feeling creep over his skin again. 

"Then get under the blankets before you freeze to death," Julio said. "I'll be there in a second."

He climbed into the bed, still slightly damp, and lay there, aware that he was erect and that Julio had probably seen it. Harder to explain away, but he was bio-engineered to fully simulate physical human interaction, and Julio had looked beautiful in that moment. It felt like a natural reaction to his nudity. 

Eventually, Julio joined him under the covers, lying next to him and not against him. Shatterstar closed his eyes and thought about how he would apologize tomorrow, for how confused he was and how strange he was acting. Without the anger to focus on, something odd had showed up in its place instead.

This mission just kept getting worse and worse, and it was probably never going to stop snowing. 

_Fekt_ , Shatterstar thought. 

~~

He was almost asleep when he felt Julio roll toward him, and every muscle in his body relaxed, because finally, he was forgiven, but then Julio leaned over him, and in the semi-darkness, the flames of the fire flickering faintly behind him, casting strange shadows, Julio stared down at him for a long moment.

Shatterstar stared back, breathing shallowly, unsure of what Julio wanted to see on his face. 

"Okay," Julio said.

And then his hand rested on Shatterstar's belly, briefly, before moving between his legs, fingers curling around his erection. Shatterstar lifted his hips restlessly, unable to tear his gaze away from Julio's face, as he stroked Shatterstar's cock with a firm, knowing hand. Is _this_ what I wanted? Shatterstar thought, pressing his shoulders into the mattress, his own hands scrabbling uselessly at the sheet beneath him. 

He lasted seconds, time bending around him in a strange, unsettling way, and then Julio reached over and wiped his hand on something Shatterstar couldn't see, but suspected it was his abandoned shirt. Without a single word, Julio lay down again, his back to Shatterstar's chest, like nothing had happened.

Shatterstar moved his hand, but Julio caught him by the wrist, drawing it against his erratic heartbeat.

"Not tonight, Star," Julio said, something strange and raw in his voice, and Shatterstar nodded.

And to his earlier question, he knew without a doubt that the answer had been yes. 

~~

Shatterstar woke at dawn, Julio tense in his arms but asleep, the sort of fitful rest Shatterstar had seen him in before. There were a thousand reasons for it, so Shatterstar didn't take it personally. He got up carefully, relieved himself, added another log to the struggling fire, then pulled on his pants and socks.

He yanked on one of the coats and flipped the hood up before stuffing his feet into those too-small boots and grabbing the bucket. Outside, the storm continued, all blistering wind and wet heavy snow. 

He stood knee deep by the wood pile, thinking, as he used a handful of snow to wash the inside of the bucket. They had enough food and water, but the logs were a finite resource, though there were enough chairs and wooden furniture that they had other sources of fuel. It was cold, colder than he had ever experienced in his life, but the cabin was insulated from the wind and huddling for warmth worked. 

Julio had stimulated him manually. He couldn't remember the vernacular for that, but it had happened.

Without Julio, this would be the most boring experience of his life, so he was glad Julio was here. 

Whoever owned this cabin was not coming back. Whoever owned that facility was not seeking revenge. Any sign of their escape had long been covered by the blowing snow, and no madman would seek them out in this weather, as Cable was proving by not mounting an immediate rescue. So they were as safe as they could be, and that was good, but he had, as Julio had noted, a case of cabin fever.

Perhaps Julio did, too. 

"Hand job," he said suddenly, into the howling wind. That was the word he'd been missing.

~~

Inside, after shrugging off the coat, Shatterstar built the fire back up then began cooking breakfast. He combed his fingers through his hair, working the knots out, then looped it into a loose braid, tying it off with an elastic band rescued from one of his pouches. The information they had retrieved was also still there. Vindictively, he hoped it had been time sensitive. That would serve Cable right for everything. 

"Hey," Julio said. 

"Hey," Shatterstar replied. 

After Julio had finished with the bucket and gotten dressed, he sat down beside Shatterstar and held his hands out to the warmth of the fire. Shatterstar wasn't sure if the heat he felt on his face was from the flames or the memories of what one of those hands had done to him. He looked down at his own hand and thought that he'd like to touch Julio, to take the length of his cock against his palm and stroke him.

"Beans again, huh?" Julio asked, tucking his hands under his arms, and Shatterstar nodded. "Great."

"Someday we will be rescued," Shatterstar assured him. 

Julio smiled, his bruised cheek lifting, eyes fixed on the fire. "It hasn't been terrible."

"No," Shatterstar agreed, looking at Julio, "it hasn't."

~~

After further snooping, Julio found a five hundred piece puzzle of a sailboat. 

"It'll be fun," Julio said, brushing the dust off the box with a sweep of his hand. 

"In the same way sticking a sword in my eye socket would be fun?" Shatterstar asked blithely. 

Julio looked at him, and Shatterstar stared back, but when Julio smiled at him, bright as the sun, it was worth it, even if he had not been entirely joking. At least it was not Scrabble, he told himself sagely. 

~~

"Stop looking at me like that," Julio said later, as they sat cocooned together in the ragged-looking quilt, their arms occasionally sticking out between the edges of the fabric to move a few of the puzzle pieces around. It was more interesting to keep his eyes on Julio's face and the way his tongue played with his lips than to attempt to recreate the image of a sailboat that had likely not existed in decades. 

"Like what?"

"Like I gave you a hand job and now you want to talk about it."

"I wasn't thinking that," Shatterstar assured him. "I was thinking about your tongue and your lips."

"Fuck, you've gone insane," Julio muttered, making a pained expression. "We've been trapped here for so long that you've completely lost your mind. I shouldn't have done that. Last night. It was a mistake."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I thought you wanted me to," Julio replied, mouth drawn into an unhappy line. 

"I did," Shatterstar insisted. "I didn't know I wanted you to until you did it, but I definitely did."

Julio made a sound in his throat, low, like a growl. "It'll fuck everything up." 

"I disagree." From this close, Shatterstar could have counted every one of Julio's eyelashes if he had wanted to. He thought about sliding his ice-cold fingers under the edge of Julio's plaid flannel shirt, against the bare skin of his waist. "You should have let me do it back. I don't know why you didn't."

Julio frowned, the skin between his eyebrows creasing deeply. "Star, come on." 

"Do you want to talk about it? You made me talk yesterday."

"Because you were acting like a lunatic," Julio replied. "I just want to finish this puzzle."

"Fine," Shatterstar said. 

~~

He finished the rest of the puzzle in less than twenty minutes, slapping down each piece with methodical precision.

"You're such an asshole," Julio said, without any heat, and Shatterstar kissed him on the mouth. 

~~

Julio let Shatterstar kiss his way for a while, dry and close-mouthed, more sharing of breath than anything else, before he took over, and Shatterstar had to admit Julio's way was better. He finally slipped his frozen fingers around Julio's waist, and Julio pushed his touch away lightly with a groan.

"Your hand is fucking freezing," Julio mumbled, kissing him again, with his tongue and open lips, and Shatterstar leaned into him, pressing his forehead against Julio's, panting. "You should warm it up."

"I can get a pair of mittens," Shatterstar offered, reluctantly looking over to the door. 

"Star," Julio said, eyes and brows working together to imply ... something. Shatterstar stared at him. 

Julio's expression softened slightly, and he took Shatterstar's hand, his palm sliding over the back of it, and guided him there, where Julio was hot and hard. Ah, Shatterstar thought, moving his touch over the length of Julio's erection, watching how his mouth parted and his eyes closed. Shatterstar kissed him again, on the lips, on the jaw, beneath his ear. He smoothed his hand over Julio's bare belly, the skin warm to the touch, then slipped his icy fingers under the waistband of Julio's borrowed sweatpants. 

Shatterstar kept his eyes on Julio's expression, and he finally recognized that new thing he'd been feeling, because it was all over Julio's face. The word could be anything, but it was between them, until now unspoken and undiscovered, and Shatterstar didn't care what it was called, only that it was good. 

Julio came with a gasp, beautiful, and Shatterstar kissed him again, just to be sure. 

~~

The storm broke during the night as they lay in bed, huddled tightly together, not entirely for warmth.

~~

Shatterstar felt the first push of Cable's mind at dawn, and he nodded briefly as Cable's thoughts flickered like electricity over his brain. They were still an hour out, but they had their location and rescue was imminent. He projected his understanding back, but kept his mind otherwise sealed tight. 

"The others will be here in an hour," he told Julio, sweeping a hand over his bare back. 

"I was almost starting to like this place," Julio replied, burying his head in the pillow. 

They each ate a can of peaches for breakfast, with the understanding that neither of them would ever eat canned beans again, at least not for the immediate future. They put the cabin back to the state they had found it in, the Scrabble and puzzle boxes slid back under the couch, the clothing folded neatly and packed into the dressers. Julio hung the coats by the door as Shatterstar emptied and washed the bucket. 

"We can skip telling anyone about that," Julio said. 

Shatterstar shrugged. He hadn't thought he would, but he'd be more careful about his story anyway. 

"And I know it's shitty of me to ask, but I don't want anyone to know about everything else either."

"The sex?" Shatterstar asked, just to be clear. He assumed Julio did not mean the Scrabble game. 

Julio nodded, gaze fixed firmly on his feet. "I wish I was better about this, but I just ... I can't."

"I understand," Shatterstar said, confident enough that Julio raised his eyes in surprise. "I am not comfortable with the others seeing my emotions until I am sure of what they are. I know I can feel anger. Clearly. I know I can feel ... what we have between us, but the rest of it ... I would rather not." 

"Do we stop this?"

"I don't think it can be stopped," Shatterstar replied as Julio stepped up to him, sliding his hands around his hips, face tilted upwards, expression serious, "but I will hide it with you, until we are both ready."

"That could be a long fucking time, dude." 

"We will find a way to pass that time," Shatterstar assured him, "and it will not be Scrabble."

Julio rolled his eyes, and Shatterstar kissed him, right on the corner of his happy smile.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone curious, my full bingo card is [here](https://tangeriner.dreamwidth.org/113839.html#cutid2).
> 
> For anyone who might be subscribed to me, I'm going to be posting the remainder of my (really old) stories on AO3 over the next little while. I apologize in advance for any email notification spamming from AO3 that results.


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